i find myself in a weird, timeless state of swimming into and out of memories. maybe its the rain. maybe its the gobies beginning to nip at each other. part of me is hopeful that what appears to be fighting is in fact some sort of goby mating ritual. i wouldn't get my hopes up though, as the puppet has taken to hiding in the rock all day.

it seems that the middle of the day is the easiest and i can bumble about without any sort of sinking feeling in my stomach. the lack of light outside manifests itself in reflection on the past - and it never seems to fail. my projects are keeping me busy and while that may have been a problem in the past, its at least helping me now.

i hope i am making the right decision in moving. my thoughts are going back and forth. one side is guilty, guilty for leaving, but i can't understand why. its the same sort of guilty feeling i used to get on sunday nights back in elementary school. its unexplainable and you just want it to go away. the other side is excited - excited to be trying something new and meeting some people. but most of all, to be surrounded by artists who will push me to pick up the art i have left behind.

i cannot ignore an overwhelming void i feel... everything reminds me the absence of what once filled it. i am also trying to understand how different people react to this and it seems to be split evenly down the middle: some people attempt to fill the void immediately and others take time for themselves beforehand. its increasingly difficult to find the meaning in little things when the large things are gone, but i used to be good at it and i hope to rediscover that.